Gloria Estefan used to sing a song that says, “We seal our fate by the choices we make.” She is right! Your decisions determine your destiny. The greatest decision you will ever make in your life is to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. What you decide about Christ determines your eternity. After that, the second most important decision in your life is whether you choose to marry or not. And if you do choose to marry, who are you going to marry? If you marry right, your life will be a heaven on earth. If you marry wrong, your life could be a living hell.

The evidences of poor decisions are all around us. Every day, we see broken hearts, broken homes and broken lives in our communities. In many developed countries, as high as one in every two or three marriages ends in divorce. According to a 2004 report by the Singapore Department of Statistics, divorce and annulments have tripled over the past two decades. The result of all these divorces is that people are apprehensive of marriage as a lifelong covenantal commitment. More and more Singaporeans are delaying marriage or choosing not to marry altogether.

A 1996 SDU (Social Development Unit) survey shows that Singaporeans are marrying later and later. The average age is 30 years old for a man marrying the first time, and 27 years old for a woman. For university graduates, their career, finance, house and education all rank higher than marriage in terms of life priorities. For non-graduates, getting a car even ranks higher than getting married!

Is marriage such a terribly frightening thing we are condemned to experience in our lifetime? The answer should be an emphatic “No” since God himself was the one who ordained marriage in the Garden of Eden. In Genesis 2:15, God gave Adam a challenging job, not just as a mere gardener, but as the CEO of “Eden World Enterprise.” Living in Paradise, Adam had a very good life. He was very wealthy, enjoying gold, silver and precious stones in abundance. He was very healthy with no sickness or disease. Everything was smooth-going for Adam except one thing—he was single and alone!

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Gen. 2:18).

It is not easy being involved in a love relationship. Many people are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. It takes character to build bridges and connect with someone else. It takes character to live not just for yourself, but to care, share, protect and provide for someone else. It takes character to listen and communicate love and forgiveness.

In the paradise of Eden, Adam already had job satisfaction working in the Garden. In terms of his career, education  and material possession, Adam had everything. But God saw a defect in him: Adam wasn’t developed in his ability to relate to another human with sacrificial, unconditional love. Without a marriage to a woman, Adam would never mature fully in his character. And God was more concerned with Adam’s character than his comfort! Herein lies the core reason of marriage: it develops your character as a person and your spiritual growth as a child of God.

CHOOSING THE RIGHT LIFE PARTNER

Because of the selfish, fallen nature in all men and women, marriage is always a very challenging thing. It is a great blessing only when you marry right. The problem is that nobody teaches us how to choose a good soul mate. Most people put in more time and effort into deciding what kind of car or house to buy than deciding whom to have a relationship with. Obviously, none of us deliberately set out to choose partners who are wrong for us. We all want to be happy in our lives and we want our relationships to work. But the sad reality is that too many people choose the wrong partners and then wonder why their relationships aren’t working.

I want to say something that would probably shock some of you: God doesn’t choose your mate for you! While He may have in His mind a best partner for your life, in the final analysis, it is your decision. It is your own choice. God puts the responsibility squarely on you.

“ He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD” (Prov. 18:22).

Who does the finding? You! God will guide, lead and direct you. But He would hardly ever bring a girl in front of a guy and say, “Hey, buddy, she’s the one! Marry her— now!” On the contrary, He gives you guidelines and principles to help you with your choosing. Ultimately, it is your own decision. As you make that choice, it is “for better or for worse.”

That reminds me of a joke I read recently. A woman goes to a judge and says, “I want a divorce.” He says, “Why?” She says, “I don’t like him anymore.” The judge says, “You promised to take him for better or worse.” To that, the woman quickly retorts, “Yeah, but he’s a lot worse than I took him for!”

WHY DO WE FALL IN LOVE?

How do you know who is the right one for you? When you ask someone why he or she falls in love, what kind of response do you get? Typically, I hear answers like these:

“I met Jane at the gym where I work out. Something about the way she was so into the aerobics class and gave it so much energy that really appealed to me.”

“Sue was a bridesmaid at my cousin’s wedding. She looked so beautiful in her pink strapless dress, I knew on the spot I was going to fall in love with her.”

“Alex and I were assigned to work together on a project in our office. I think it was watching him problem-solving. He was so creative and that attracted me to him.”

“My ex-husband is so selfish and controlling. I was attracted to Stanley because he is such a nice guy. He is always so sweet and considerate.”

Are these good reasons to start a relationship? No, they are not! All Jane’s boyfriend knows about her is that she has a lot of physical energy. All Sue’s boyfriend knows about her is that she looks cute in a pink dress. Alex’s girlfriend is charmed by his business skills, but what about his emotional skills? All Stanley’s girlfriend knows is that he is different from her ex-husband, but is he what she needs or what she wants?